Dear C
I didn’t think it would happen but from the looks of things now, I’m definitely mistaken.
Two days ago, your form teacher told me you’d been cleared to join the overseas field trip to Seoul that your school is organizing for students in your cohort.
My son, for five days in either October or November, you and your fellow schoolmates will fly to the capital city of South Korea and visit many attractions. It’s going to be exciting and I am feeling very excited for you.
But I’m also feeling hopelessly terrified!
My Soul Aches For Your Impending Flight
For so many years now my son, you’ve been here, there, and everywhere with at least one parent, one caregiver. Always a member of your family.
This time though, neither parents nor siblings are allowed to accompany you. The only chaperone will be your form teacher, as well as the other staff and students on this overseas exposure trip.
I can’t tell you how many thoughts are coursing through my brain right now even as I write this. Thoughts that run from the whole logistics of this impending journey — packing your luggage and prepping the requisite daily living skills you’ll need — to the emotional upheaval it’s wreaking within my very soul at the thought of you in Seoul, a strange land none of us have yet step foot in!
If I am sounding melodramatic right now and freaking you out, I’m sorry.
But you have to understand the surprise your teacher threw me when he announced two days ago that you were cleared to go. Apparently, even the air tickets have already been secured by the school.
And your teacher announced it almost nonchalantly. A far cry from his nervous notification two months ago (likely due to the daunting prospect of him chaperoning 12 autistic kids abroad!)
How It All Began
A couple of months ago, your school sent out a notice to say that final-year (Grade 6) students are slated to go on a five-day field trip overseas. (Post-Covid, such field trips have resumed in many schools)
Your mom and I didn’t know your school also organized such trips. (Past trips they went on included locations like Beijing and Melbourne)
Now before you get offended (not that I think you will, but just in case), we’re very grateful for your school’s very existence. Set up especially to cater to children with mild to moderate autism, it felt like a God-send for us when first you were diagnosed in 2017 and we needed to find a school that would be a fit for you and your special needs.
Along came your school Pathlight which seemed to check all the right boxes. Small class sizes (no more than 11 or 12 students per class). More than one teacher in every lesson. Curriculum that includes not just the usual writing and arithmetic, but also physical exercise, how to socialise, as well as masteriing daily living skills. All to build up students like you to be more independent and self-sufficient. Often a tall order, depending on the extent of the special needs of each autistic child.
Of course, the journey to self-sufficiency is a bumpy road for many, be they neurotypical or otherwise. Still, it needs to be said that those who struggle with special needs will have greater challenges to surmount. Not to mention the caregivers who struggle right along with them, like your mommy and I!
Given these challenges, the last thing we expected was that the school would actually have such overseas field trips in mind. And to execute these trips without the presence and support of parents and caregivers as chaperones!
So when we heard of it, we immediately signed you up, believing a trip like this without us would turbo-charge your development towards greater self-agency.
Doubts In My Mind
Admittedly, when we signed you up, it was a response of interest more than anything else. In our hearts, your mommy and I had serious doubts you would be cleared to go.
Why?
Cos your school would screen through the entire cohort. Those deemed to have weak daily living skills or more behavioural challenges would not make the trip. Even your form teacher cautioned us two months ago that you might not be ‘ready’.
I’ll be honest son. I agree with your teacher.
And since I’m being honest here, I’ll also say that it was our fault as your parents that we don’t feel you’re ready.
Our doubts stem from the reality that for these past several years, we’ve been doing many things for you. Things like packing your school bag, getting your school uniform ready every night for the next morning, and the list goes on. All because you take too long doing them yourself and we’re impatient parents always in a hurry.
Not proud of it. But it is what it is. As parents, we are often guilty of trying to move things along quickly in the name of efficiency and expediency.
So in many ways, I have but myself to blame for the doubts in my mind about this impending trip.
Not Gonna Give Up On You…And Us
But you know what?
I’m not going to give up on you. And me.
Instead, over the next few months, I’m going to chronicle our preparations with you for this exciting overseas adventure. As much as I know we’re going to worry and miss you lots the whole time you’re away, we know too that this is an important milestone for you. And us.
And if together we can navigate this and have you return safe and sound, we know you will do fine in so many other things in life.
Isn’t that something worth looking forward to?
So here’s to your greatest adventure yet!
And ours!!
Your expectant Daddy-Doofus
