Been a while since I wrote a post about Autism.
Not for lack of material. And not because I’ve nothing to say (cos I’ve said plenty before).
More from a lack of will, if I’m being honest. And some writing fatigue these past two weeks from churning a few essays for external publication that took up quite a bit of my limited brain processing power! Which might be good news if you’re hoping this to be a shorter article than usual (and yes indeed it will be!).
Why the lack of will? All I can say is that it’s both easy and hard when talking about something you live with daily. And when that “something” is so caked into a loved one that it is an intrinsic, unseverable part of who he is? Let’s just say there are the inevitable days of feeling overwhelmed mixed with occasional moments of insights.
Usually from someone else further along the journey of parenting a child with autism.
Focus On The Physical
Last week, I read a piece of honest sharing that really hit home.
A mother, who writes regularly about her journey parenting her daughter (now 20 years of age) with autism, wrote in a personal essay published on May 13 about how she’s pivoting towards a different emphasis with raising her child.
In that piece, she talked about how these days, she’s focusing more about helping her daughter stay physically fit and healthy. Many parents in a similar situation would likely concentrate on helping their child build job skills in order for their 20-year-old with special needs to be employable and independent.
This mother however has come to a different conclusion. And a different decision in parenting her daughter.
For she realises that there’s one thing that no one in the world can alter or reverse.
Ageing.
Ageing In The Special Needs Community
In the essay, the mother shared some research she uncovered from WebMD about what happens to most of us as we age.
— Blood vessels get thicker and stiffer with age
— Blood pressure might go up or not stabilise as quickly
— Increased vulnerability to inflammatory diseases, infections, cancer, etc
— We will lose about 10 to 15 per cent of muscle mass and strength over time, starting at around age 30.
— Ageing also affects the brain, digestive system, kidneys, liver and other organs, bone strength and metabolism
Her point was that these symptoms for the general population are exacerbated when it comes to those with special needs. Especially those with limited communication skills to accurately verbalise to their caregivers any health conditions, discomforts or pains they are experiencing.
Digging further, she found many articles — including one published last year from medical journal The Lancet — that found positive correlations between adults with special needs and heightened health risks as they aged versus the rest of the population.
What’s A Dad To Do For My Son With Autism?
I know what she means and appreciate her honesty to highlight a very real issue in the special needs community.
Even though my son is verbal, it’s not always easy for him to tell me what he’s experiencing. Especially if it’s something he’s feeling for the first time. Like when I ask him what kind of tummy ache he has one day. Sharp pain? Numbness? Questions physicians typically ask most of us each time we visit the clinic when we’re ill. To find out what’s going on.
My son isn’t always able to accurately describe his discomfort accurately.
What more those like this writer’s daughter who isn’t very communicative?
In the road towards raising children who are neurotypical or with special needs, developing daily living skills and self-sufficiency to navigate this complex world is par for the course. No parent would want their kids to stay completely reliant on them all their lives. We need them to spread their own wings and fly.
It’s just harder when your kid’s developmental delay spills over into every facet of his life. And yours.
Which is the daily experience I live with.
The constant question in my head is how can I get my son with autism to level up more and journey successfully through daily living?
It’s time I figure this out for my son’s sake.
And maybe what Jill Lim (that’s the writer’s name by the way) and her article‘s insight is a good place to start!
This post too might kickoff a new mini-series for me on how to help my son develop self-sufficiency and master daily survival skills, more than even his studies.
