It happened again. My youngest misplaced yet another one of the standard things he daily brings to school. This time, it was his wallet.
This was three Wednesdays ago. I remember it well because Wednesdays were my rest-from-work days since I started my temporary teaching contract in April. (My classes happen Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays)
It was, for me, a much-loved mid-week break between teaching days. That week, I was especially looking forward to it, because I had stacked curriculums to deliver in my classes and knew the break was going to be my oasis from the madness!
Sadly, it was not to be.
The Last Straw That Broke This Wallet’s, I Mean Camel’s, Back!
That fateful Wednesday morning, as we were about to leave the house for school, I turned to C to ask if he’s ready and had all that he needed for the day. As usual his answer came instantly with nary a thought: “Always!”
“Really?” I asked. “What about your wallet? Have you enough money there to buy lunch?”
Our dear friend started rummaging his bag to find said wallet. Then he went scavenging through his bedroom. He even dashed to the laundry room to see if he had left it in the pocket of his dirty pants from the day before.
Pretty soon, it became obvious the wallet was missing.
And before you could say “Oh Oh…”, yours truly here went all “US/Iran” on him (verbally that is, not physically rest assured, though for a split second, not gonna lie, the temptation was strong!)
It was the proverbial last straw that broke this camel’s back!
Because this was the umpteenth time this year I found myself dealing with one or more of C’s missing items!
Drip Drip Drip!
You may have heard the analogy of how, just as over a long period of time, even water can break rocks if it drips unceasingly on the exact same spot on the rock again and again and again.
Well, this year in particular, I feel like I’ve been that rock. And C’s been that incessant drip drip of water!
I’ve lost count over the past seven months how many times he’s lost or misplaced one item or other. If it’s not his water bottle, it’s his snack box. Ear muffs. Homework file. Handphone (thank goodness we bought him the cheap, basic kind without Internet access).
And of course, the wallet.
Most of the time, he was able to recover the misplaced item. Either he left it under his desk in school, or it’s in the school’s loo. Or, in the case of the phone, on the public bus he took coming home (thank goodness the kind bus driver found it).
What drives me berserk isn’t so much the lost item but the frequency and the timing of him realising it. Oh, and the fact that oftentimes he chooses to lose or misplace the item just before a long weekend or school holiday break (like the recent month-long June school holidays when he left his ear muffs in his classroom). Meaning we can’t retrieve it until school reopens.
Like the proverbial drip drip drip of water, every one of these incidents have chipped away at my patience and forebearance.
And that Wednesday in question became the last straw that broke me.
He Lost His Wallet. I Lost My Head!
Upon realising that the wallet was truly missing, my son looked at me in chagrin and perplexity. In his usual style, he became defensive and insisted he never had it in the first place. That he has no memory of bringing it to school. This was untrue because I distinctly recall passing it to him the day before and watching as he placed it inside his school bag.
With not much time left, we had to forgo hunting about the house for it and just get out so I can get him to school on time.
It was a most unpleasant journey for both of us.
Somehow, this latest incident proved to be the “decider” because I basically spent the entire car ride verbally lashing out at him like there was no tomorrow.
I told him how forgetful he was. How irresponsible he was. How “deaf” he was to all my constant reminders to remember things. How he’s always losing things, especially this year.
Needless to say I was livid that morning. All the way to his school gate. And all the way home.
It got so bad that I continued to rant to myself even as tears flowed down my face at how a ‘minor’ incident like this has unhinged me to such a degree.
It felt like I had lost my head. And lost my mind.
Autism. Still A Reality I Have To Grapple With Daily
It’s been more than 15 years now since my second boy was born. And for nearly ten of those years, we’ve lived with the reality of his autism diagnosis.
Among the many lived experiences with him is watching how easily he gets distracted and how often he forgets daily stuff. Stuff that all of us do daily without thinking. Brushing teeth. Turning off the lights and fans. Washing our hands with soap after our daily toilette. And the list goes on.
Some might argue that I ought to be used to all of the above by now.
The truth is, repetition in this case leads eventually to an eruption of frustration. That was the “me” that emerged that fateful Wednesday. I had no idea it was as bad as it was until I found myself hours later (after returning from his school drop-off) still sitting on my rocking chair in a daze. Unable to feel anything more than despair and resignation.
In the end, thanks to advice from a friend I called to unburden my struggle, I left my house, went outdoors for a swim and some sunshine (and a passing shower from heaven!) in order to calm down and return to some semblance of equilibrium.
This “drip drip drip” is my daily lived reality. (Did I mention that as I write this, I found out that he left his Math homework in school yesterday?! Drip.)
Sigh.
I only pray that I will get better at this so my son and I won’t have another Wednesday like that one.
(PS A teacher from his school found the wallet the next day with everything inside still intact. But try as I might, I couldn’t get C to tell me where the wallet had been found. Nor the name of that teacher)
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