A Letter to My Younger Self #1/2

Recently, I was asked* what I would say if I could write a letter that could travel back in time to the younger me.

Specifically, the question was about how I plan to share with my younger self the current journey I’m on as a stay-at-home dad.

My first thought was, no sweat. Just cut and paste the various blog posts I’ve written these last five years and let him have it!

But then I realized, that would be cruel.

I should instead really just sit myself down and distill as many of those posts as I can into one single letter or two. That way, the younger me would (hopefully) be more inclined to read what I have to say. To digest the wisdom I now have, borne from inside the “parenting trenches” I’ve been operating from these past 15 years.

So here goes.

My Letter to “Mini-Me” (Part 1/2)

Dear K

Hope you’re well.

In case you’re wondering, it’s your future self writing you this letter.

Yes! In the future, time travel is possible. Though not for humans yet, just letters like this one. Maybe in another ten years, it will be possible for humans too. Then, I might travel back in time myself to visit you, assuming you’re not spooked by the prospect!

For now, I’m sending you this letter to give you a rundown of what will happen in your life in the next 30-40 years.

Being still in your teenage years now, I’ve no doubt you will find what I’m about to tell you hard to believe. Or, more likely, they aren’t even in your daily thoughts at all.

However, right off the bat, I’ll save you the suspense and say this:

In the coming years, you will…

…graduate from university
…find a girlfriend you will date for five years before marrying
…flit from one job to another before settling into the education sector as a tertiary lecturer (even getting a postgrad degree along the way!)
…father not one but two boys (no girls though sorry)
…become in your early 50s, an avid writer and advocate for all things to do with parenting, autism, and the craft of writing.

Autism

Wait, you ask. Autism? What’s that?

It’s an irreversible neurological dysfunction that happens in some kids. Our youngest boy has it, although thankfully not too severe, nor life-threatening. In fact, there are people around you now who have it. Just not in great numbers, so no surprise few in your time have heard of autism or understand what it is.

In my time, however, there’s more awareness of this lifelong disorder as more people are being diagnosed.

But before you get worked up about it, I need to tell you something else.

Stay-At-Home Parenting

The year our son was diagnosed also represents the next, and arguably the most, exciting season of our lives.

You see, up until that point, you would have been teaching full-time for over 12 years in a government tertiary institution. I know I know. Given your current academic showing (I’m well aware), this must be shocking news! But trust me, you did end up a teacher. And if I may be so proud as to say, a not-too-bad one either!

With our son’s autism diagnosis, either one of his parents needed to take a back seat from our career to stay home and care for him.

I’m sorry if I wasn’t able to seek your blessing on this monumental decision, but I offered to be that parent.

Now before you start protesting at the potential loss of autonomy and a lucrative career, you need to understand something.

Near-miss

It was 11 years into the marriage before #2 came along (our eldest was born two years before). You’re still fairly young now to fully appreciate the beauty of having kids, but I can tell you that when our sons finally arrive after the long wait, there was never any doubt left in my mind that they would take center stage in the theatre of our lives.

I would give anything to care for and love them with every fiber of my being.

If you think about it, wouldn’t you too? When something you badly wanted nearly didn’t happen for you? (Yes, as horrifying as it may sound to the teenage you, we really did want to have kids badly a couple of years after marriage!)

Having memories of this season of your life, I know for a fact there are a couple of girls whose names must surely now come to your mind too when I ask you about wanting something badly! Haha (no no, not laughing at you; laughing with you)

Don’t Stop Reading This Letter! Hear Me Out.

At this point, I can fully understand if you want to quit reading or even toss this crazy letter into the bin. In my time, we have an acronym called TMI, which means Too Much Information! So I know I’m loading you with a lot in a short couple of pages here.

But believe me, there’s more! Much more.

Still, rather than continue here to turn the garden hose on you, I’ll just leave you for now with these few sneak peeks into what’s ahead. Give you water to sip in small gulps, just to beat this watery metaphor to death. It’ll hopefully give you time to process what I’ve just shared before I turn the tap back on again.

Why, do you ask, am I going to all this trouble? Why not just leave you alone? Cos you’ve watched the Back to the Future movie franchise (yes mini-me, there are a couple more sequels to come!). You’ve learned that sometimes it’s better to leave the past well enough alone.

But I don’t want to do that.

Here’s why.

I see you. I know how lonely your life is right now. How lost you feel. How confused and unhappy you are. You don’t really have friends you can trust or who care for you, in or out of school. You don’t see any way that your grades can get better, even though you’re trying your best in your studies. And you have no extra-curricular activities that you’re keen on. And, to add insult to injury, family life sucks.

With all of that, the future probably looks extremely drabby from where you’re sitting.

I’m here to tell you that it does get better. Please believe me.

Now I’ve gotta run (our son’s calling me), but I’ll write you again. I promise.

Meanwhile, hang in there yeah?

Your Future Self

[*This blog post was inspired by an upcoming guest appearance I’ll be making on a radio talk show about what I would tell my younger self in, you guessed it, a letter! Stay tuned for my next blog post and information on the show]