Earlier this week during one breakfast, while munching on a huge croissant stuffed with mushrooms, I suddenly had an ‘un-messy’ thought.
What if I just ate it over our kitchen sink instead?
Much easier than being cautious to avoid messing up the dining table.
It was my way of avoiding a messy meal. And maximising enjoyment. I could happily chomp away without feeling like I have to watch every bite. For to ensure as little as possible of the delicious delicatessen flakes across my plate, the usually-tidy table and our pristine floor? It just felt like more work than it was worth.
But as it turns out, it wasn’t that enjoyable eating over a basin. The moment felt more function than fulfilling. There and then I found myself revising my initial thought. So what if I spew flakes all over the place when I chow down on my scrumptious treat? Isn’t food, especially my tasty croissant, to be savoured than painstakingly swallowed, for fear of falling crumbs messing up the place?
And then it struck me: I guess I’ve become less and less tolerant of mess as I age. And parenting, which often involves cleaning up the messy little humans in my household, only makes me double down more to keep the home spick and span.
From A Messy Croissant To A Messy Exam Paper
Funny how a messy breakfast thought can bring me to ruminate for the rest of the week about the role mess makes in teaching us life lessons.
Coaching my youngest son C to prepare for his national exams this month also played a critical role in turning my mind this week towards the reality that life is, well quite honestly, very messy!
Today he might solve the math question paper without too many mistakes. Tomorrow, nothing seems to go right. Sometimes, the same question that was done a day or two ago, and shows up once more today, may elicit a totally different answer from our friend. Classic example: A two-part question (practised infinitum mind you) that requires him to add then divide, four out of five times he will add then multiply.
He’s just all over the map!
You see, my son C has moderate autism. One of the consequences of that is he doesn’t have a developed executive function. What that means is when it comes to daily living skills like staying focused and on task, as well as tidying up, my son finds it all a challenge.
The same instructions for the same task — told in different (singular and/or combined) ways visual, auditory, tactile, etc — must be repeated ad nauseum. Daily!
All because his lack of focus makes every encounter, every instruction, every task, feel like it’s his first time. But for me, it feels absolutely messy. Simply because it isn’t my first time!
This is a truth only caregivers of PWDs (Persons With Disabilities) can appreciate because it’s our daily reality.
Many Messy Musings Make Me Mad!
I found myself on many occasions this past school holiday week shouting in a loud voice day in day out as I supervise C’s revision for his exams, his meal and even his messy play times.
And the list goes on.
If it’s not his messy handwriting, it’s the messy, unfocused mind. They lead to wrong workings and answers, especially for Math. And the perennial inability to tidy up his messy play area which, in our small apartment of some 1,000 square feet, feels like it’s pretty much the whole place!
Not saying I’m proud of my supervisory ‘performance’, but parenting and tutoring at the same time just isn’t my strong suit. (Hats off to homeschooling parents out there — I don’t know how you do it!) This past week of school vacation has meant that I’m parenting morning, noon and night. So the “messy” in my life feels like it’s been turned up ten notches.
I guess that’s why my tolerance level has taken a heavy beating. No surprise I can’t wait for school to resume on Monday so I can get my much-needed reprieve.
Sighhh….I guess I’m just mad at myself for not holding it together better. It’s affected so many other aspects of my personal life. My reading’s been derailed. My writing clumsy at best. And my temper shortened. My focus too has become as bad as C’s! I just can’t seem to keep my mind on one task for more than a minute before it flits to another.
Maybe that’s why I re-borrowed Gloria Mark’s “Attention Span” from the library a couple of days ago. I’m hoping to rediscover some secret formula to make my life less messy and my attention more laser-focused.
And in turn help my son C do the same, God willing.
But then again, isn’t life supposed to be messy? Maybe if I learn to let go of my expectations and worries, things will get better.
Maybe then I can savour my next croissant with unbridled delight.
And my son C too!
