Kelvin's Musings

Tag: Writing

• This is It! 3 Things that Define My Blog “kelvinsmusings”

  Posted at 8:35 pm by Kelbungy, on June 13, 2020

  Yep, this is it!

  Most would say this ought to have been the first thing I wrote when I started my blog 14 months ago.

  Funny then that only after more than a year of blogging, I’m finally doing it today!

  Now just to be fair to me, I did mention what my blog was about before. This was in my very first post in April 2019.

  But looking at that now, I realize it doesn’t really capture fully what my blog is about. Especially not in recent months as my blog content has expanded in its topical diversity.

  So perhaps it’s just as well I’ve held back until now. Cos some things just take time to mature, like a good bottle of wine.

  And though my blog’s About page sheds some light, there’s still a need to clearly and succinctly present the intent of my blog.

  So at least you, my dear reader, will know what you’re in for each time you pay a visit. And, hopefully, you will do so more than once!

  So let’s do this, shall we? *grin*

  My blog “kelvinsmusings” is all about one dad’s musings on his unfinished journey with:

  1. Autism
     This was what got my blog started.

     You see, I have two boys, currently aged 11 and nine. The youngest was officially diagnosed with moderate autism in December 2017, a month before he turned seven.

     That began a roller-coaster journey for me and my family. Since that diagnosis, our family has been thrown into such an emotional tailspin that blogging has become my way to calm me down, piece things together, and figure him out.
     And figure ‘me’ out as well.

     The ‘me’ who is his dad.
     The ‘me’ who needs to be present for him and his needs.
     The ‘me’ who has absolutely no clue how to do any of that!

     So this blog has become an important way to process, learn, and share with those like me what I’ve come to know about this life-long disability.

     (Maybe with even those unlike me)

     It has also become a platform to speak out on social inclusivity for people like my son. For me to try and advocate for more grace and understanding from those who don’t understand him. Those who could potentially stand in his way towards leading a normal, productive life in society when I’m long gone.

     So you will see posts about the raw and real challenges I have with him. But also the moments of pure joy and revelation. And a suggestion or two thrown in for good measure, all in the name of awareness and advocacy for inclusion.

  2. Parenting
     I have been a dad for 11 years now. It’s not a lot I know. I’m probably a babe in the woods compared to other dads.

     But American writer Flannery O’Connor once opined that anyone who survives childhood has enough information for the rest of his or her life.So my childhood and those of my two boys (who are still living theirs in real-time now), mean that I already have three times the amount of info and materials I need to talk about matters close to every parent’s heart!

     But, and this is where I’m going to disappoint some of you, my posts will probably not distill many parenting “hacks” (don’t you just hate this overly-used word?).

     Hey, I’m a stay at home dad (SAHD) after all, so you would expect me to be true and not the least bit flawless right? Cause that’s what a SAHD (get it? *wink wink*) is like in the dirty day-to-day realities of life.

     In a word? S . A. (H). D!

     Which is where I prefer to be actually. Real and raw. No holds bar.

     So if that too is where you prefer to be, then stay tuned, ok?

  3. Life
     That little ditty by Des’ree always plays in my head each time I see this word on its own, like some ear worm you can’t dislodge!

     “Life, oh Life, ohhhh Li…fe…oh Life…to doo to too…!” (Preach it sis-tah!)

     And since at least some aspect of “Life” can pretty much be found in any blog post just about anywhere, consider this my third thing a catch-all  ‘cheat sheet’.

     Apologies, just trying to be honest. And calling out the truth about all my fellow bloggers too. (Aww c’mon you guys, admit it!)

     However, since everyone’s unique, you can at least expect me to give my ‘unique’ take on what life throws at us. The same goes for many bloggers out there too.

     In my case, you’ll likely see posts about Life relating to stuff like:
     – current affairs
     – social issues
     – art of reading & writing
     – reviews of books, films and maybe the occasional TV series
     – teaching & learning
     – justice & society
     – faith, hope & love

     All from my perspective of course, but always with a desire to bring forth certain universal truths that will hopefully resonate with you.

     Cos hey, that’s what universal truths ought to do!

  Okay.

  That’s it.

  Unveiled and unpacked.

  The manifesto embedded in my blog name’s subtitle: “A Father’s Unfinished Journey with Autism, Parenting & Life”.

  Now, on with the show! (If you’re new to my blog, the best place to start would be here)

  Oh, wait.

  One more thing.

  I post every Wednesday & Saturday, around my local time at 8.30 pm (GMT+8).

  I mean, if you want to lock it into your planner.

  Just saying. *wink*

  Posted in Advocacy, Autism, Book Review, Caleb, Christianity, Film Review, Jaedon, Reflections, Society, Stay Home Dad, Teaching/Education, The Craft of Writing, The Good The Bad & The Ugly | 0 Comments | Tagged Autism, Blogging, Life's Journey, Society, Spirituality Family Parenting, Writer's Life, Writing

• I am a writer. I am a writer. I am a writer.

  Posted at 8:26 pm by Kelbungy, on June 10, 2020

  “I am a writer. I am a writer. I am a writer.”

  Successful author and writing coach Jeff Goins reminded me that this is the mantra I need to write down every day.

  As proof that to succeed, it all begins with me spelling it out in no uncertain terms.

  And believing it.

  Not an attempt at narcissism, but rather as a defense mechanism. Defense against who or what you ask? Defense against all the naysayers and resistance forces waiting in the wings to put me down. Just as I’m getting up and into this whole enterprise of writing and blogging.

  The famous author Steven Pressfield was perhaps the first to have issued the warning in his book The War of Art. That resistance to one’s art and craft (be it writing, or any creative endeavor) comes in all shapes and sizes – human or otherwise.

  Many can actually be people whom I would never expect, namely family members and close friends!

  So I need to repeat this mantra to myself daily.

  “I am a writer.”

  I’m not just a blogger.

  I’m not just an occasional contributor to my local dailies’ public forum page to vent or give feedback.

  I’m not just a serial appeal letter writer to the transport authority to beg them to waive parking and speeding fines (just to clarify – I don’t break traffic laws on a regular basis, in case I’m giving you that vibe).

  I’m not just a diarist, penning down a poetic-sounding line or two when suddenly, but rarely, inspired.

  There are many writers out there, but few who are raw, authentic, genuine, and believable. I want to be among those few, but I know well the sacrifice it will involve, and the discipline it will entail.

  This is hard work and the journey will be long, arduous, and painful. If based purely on my past track record, I would probably have given up this undertaking now even before it has a chance to take off!

  Sadly, most around me, including loved ones will probably agree and write off this new aspiration of mine as just another recreational hobby, a temporary fling. Besides, if it doesn’t make a decent living (sobering fact: few writers ever become best-selling authors), why bother?

  Yet.

  I have something to say.

  I want to be a truth-sayer.

  I desire to use my writing to help me understand myself and the world I live in.

  I have a voice I believe matters because of what I’ve experienced, and because my life is still an unfinished journey right now. But hitting 50 this year, I have already traversed many paths and picked up enough things along the way that I know someone else may benefit from hearing about.

  No one’s going to have quite the same experience as me, so mine will be a unique voice.

  I just need to hone my writing skills now and keep on writing daily until I build my voice and establish my platform.

  When the right time comes, I can be “unleashed” onto the world, and make at least a minor impact in my corner of it. And hopefully, along the way, find kindred spirits who will resonate with my words and ideas.

  Until then, I just need to keep preaching this to myself daily:

  “I am a writer. I am a writer. I am a writer.”

   

  Posted in Advocacy, Reflections, Stay Home Dad, The Craft of Writing | 2 Comments | Tagged Blogging, Creating, Life, Motivating, Society, Writing

• To be a writer, just write. Period.

  Posted at 8:30 pm by Kelbungy, on May 16, 2020

  I have been at this for nearly five months now. Yet I’m still finding it hard to make it stick!

  Yes, I’m talking about my writing.

  You see, recently I told my wife that I’ve been finding it really easy to finish my daily task of typing out 750 words in one uninterrupted sitting. Quality notwithstanding of course.

  It used to take me at least an hour. Now I can mostly do it in half that time.

  She responded that that was good, but it’s also not surprising since I’d been at it nearly daily, for more than four months. Doing something that often ought to make it easier. Conventional wisdom would likely agree. In fact, that’s probably true with most things in life. Discipline and consistency are the building blocks towards mastery in just about everything you can think of in this world.

  But to some extent, I felt that I hadn’t been totally truthful to her, and to me.

  The truth is that right now, I can just as easily stop writing.

  Which was exactly what happened recently.

  It was about three weeks ago. I found that for some reason I had overlooked writing on Day 5 in my five-days-a-week writing plan. Maybe it had been a long and tiring day. Maybe I was distracted and simply forgot.

  And so, before I realized it, I had awoken into Day 6, without a single word typed out for over 24 hours!

  You could say that maybe I’m being too hard on myself. After all, I had been faithfully keeping to this schedule for over four and a half months, without missing a beat. So what if it happened this one time? I can cut myself some slack no? And as compensation, I did turn that fateful week’s Day 6 into my Day 5, thereby ensuring that I kept to the plan to still knock out five days of writing that week.

  But it also ended up becoming my new five-day-a-week-writing plan.

  Now, instead of writing from Monday to Friday every week, I write from Monday to Saturday instead. With Friday being my day of rest. And I’m painfully conscious of the fact that there’s still every chance my new Day 5 could morph into Day 7!

  Oh, what’s that you ask? How many days are there in a week?

  Thanks.

  This just tells me that I’m still a long way off from making this whole writing thing an integral part of my life. All my readings of accomplished (read best-selling) writers, from Anne Lamott to Jeff Goins, tells me that to make writing as natural as breathing, I must keep on writing.

  Every day, according to plan.

  Without fail.

  Without writer’s block.

  Without distractions.

  Without excuses.

  Just write.

  Then and only then will (fingers crossed) my writing come more naturally, and (hopefully in my case) much better than it is now.

  So here I go.

  I will write.

  Today.

  Everyday.

  Write.

  Posted in Reflections, Stay Home Dad, The Craft of Writing | 1 Comment | Tagged Consistency, Discipline, Stay Home Dad, Write, Writer, Writer's Life, Writing

• Why I began this – a celebration (and reminder) on my blog’s 1st anniversary

  Posted at 11:43 pm by Kelbungy, on April 25, 2020

  Gosh, I almost missed my blog’s first anniversary!

  Can’t blame me though; it’s been a month filled with anniversaries. My wife and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary on the 1st (nope it’s no April Fool’s joke), and our eldest boy turned 11 on the 8th, inching closer to the potentially tremulous teenage years. 

  In the proverbial blink of an eye, a year has indeed come and gone. And since I started this blog in April 2019, what a year it has been. As I add yet another post now, I look back over the past 12 months and 5 days since my first, and realized that while I started this blog to chronicle my journey as a dad to an autistic kid, it’s morphed into so much more!

  In the past year, my blog has covered topics that included parenting, education, employment, advocacy, and even book and film reviews. I’ve also been writing about my take on what’s been going on in these recent months with Covid-19.

  It’s certainly been an eventful period for a newbie blogger’s humble foray, with no lack of materials and content to palpate and blog. The only thing stopping me when there were long gaps between entries was, well, just me and my inertia.

  As the Gen Z kids would say, “my bad”!

  Fortunately, biting the bullet by paying good money to take on some online writing courses at the end of 2019 has forced me to be more disciplined and diligent. These courses also made me want to pursue writing and blogging more seriously.

  As such, since 2020 started, I’ve managed to upload at least one blog post every week. And I’m also continuing with my target to complete the first vomit draft of my book-length memoir on being a stay home dad by end of June 2020!

  I hope to keep both these writing projects going, and by extension, my writing life flourishing.

  Unfortunately, as I reflect on what I’ve written since taking on this personal blogging project, I’ve come to one conclusion: I’ve forgotten what drove me to create this blog in the first place: my son Caleb.

  Viewing a local play online today was the proverbial kick in the hiney I needed to bring me back to him. You see, in recent weeks, internationally-renowned musicals like “The Phantom of the Opera” have been streamed online for free weekend viewing since no theatres have been allowed to open thanks to Mr Covid.

  Here in Singapore, an established theatre company followed suit this weekend with a ‘re-showing’ of a play they adapted from the States and presented to local audiences four years ago. Called “Falling“, it depicts the struggles of a family living with an 18-year-old son with severe autism. Pangdemonium Productions has always staged high-quality plays and musicals here in Singapore, and this had been one we missed watching back in 2016. So I for one was glad to have the chance to watch it online today for free (Do catch it before the link expires at 1159 hrs on 26 April 2020, Singapore time).

  The play reminded me that there’s still so much I needed to understand about the whole autism spectrum disorder, and how it affects the lives of those living with it. And more importantly and urgently, it reminded me how I must continue daily to intentionally intervene to help further Caleb’s growth and development.

  While we have been so blessed that Caleb’s autism is far milder than Josh’s (the character in the play), how adaptable and independent Caleb can be when he turns 18 in less than 10 years from now, will likely rest on how his parents raise him.

  There is no time to dawdle. There remains the need for me to ‘blog on’ with this unfinished journey I’m taking with him. And in doing so capture important learnings, make this one for the family archives, and share them with anyone out there like us.

  So here’s to more future posts where I share and distill my life with Caleb, and chronicle his life and what he’s continuing to teach me daily.

  Happy 1st anniversary!

  It’s all because of you, Caleb.

  And this is all for you, and your brother too.

   

  Posted in Autism, Caleb, Reflections, Society, Stay Home Dad | 0 Comments | Tagged Anniversaries, Autism, Blogging, Children, Coronavirus, Covid-19, Family, fathers, Life, Love, Parenting, Purpose, Reflections, Relationships, Singapore, Society, Wedding Anniversary, Writing

• 2020: Stitching. Shrinking. Slowing. Sleeping. Silencing. Singling. Searching. Seeking. Surrendering. Saving. Surging. Surpassing.

  Posted at 1:34 pm by Kelbungy, on January 1, 2020

  On this the first day of 2020, I’ve decided to break down here what I plan to do with it.

  For starters, I will prioritise writing on a daily basis, five days a week (Tue – Sat), 750 words each day. No exceptions. I know I’ve said this on numerous occasions, but it’s gotten to a point now where I’ve a better picture of what I want to write, and a useful structure (a memoir) to place it in. So no more excuses. 

  I will write. And by end of May, I hope to have a 300 page first (vomit) draft manuscript! Fingers crossed!!

  Secondly, I will have to spend more time reading since it begets writing. The stuff I plan to read will most likely first be research on my memoir argument, then other recommended memoirs, then the rest. I do also hope to read two classics: Mere Christianity and The Pilgrim’s Progress, but I’m less hopeful I’ll achieve that cos their language is so….old!

  Thirdly, I need to seriously begin this year with its end in mind, ie Christmas 2020. By then, I hope to be more outreach-ready for the season. I am so sick and tired of dreading December because of my inaction all these years. But I’m of course very much mindful that it’s His plan in the end. Still I don’t want to rest on my laurels. Just because of the setback with X last year, it doesn’t mean that I should quit. It just means I have to be more careful, intentional and plan for it, always of course covering such life-and-death matters in God’s hands. I still dread family, but logic dictates that they’re the lowest hanging fruit, so…still it’s never just about logic. And in actual fact, mine aren’t that low-hanging!

  But bottomline remains – I must plan for Christmas now, and not wait til December. 

  Fourthly, I must have a game plan executed for paid work in 2020/1 that doesn’t just rely solely on my current teaching engagement. So over the next six to ten months, I best explore and send out resumes. I would very much like to teach somewhere in something I enjoy, but I’m also more practical now and see teaching as just a means to a pay check. So as long as there’s pay, and the schedule fits, I will take on whatever comes my way, and not nitpick. Can’t afford to as I’m aging and aren’t so employable anymore. Since I have my memoir writing as my passion pet project for the next 3-5 years, I can fall back on that as my go-to “happy place” so to speak, and thicken my skin to see teaching as just a job, something to help put food on the family table and keep us financially afloat.

  Next, I have to accelerate my role as intervener to help Caleb scale up in his social, emotional and life skills. Still planning to be predominantly a stay-at-home dad this year, I must really give more attention to helping him. As for Jaedon, it’s his penultimate year of primary school, and likely his busiest as he and his classmates will undergo a lot of major preparations study-wise for THE major national exam end 2021 (yes, here in stressful Singapore, preps for it always starts two years ahead!). So I gotta be around for him too. Which may also mean that I have to start reading up and learning all about (*gulp*) his curriculum!

  I also would like to commit at least 15 mins daily to tinkling the little ivories on my electronic keyboard. It’s been 5 years now since I bought it, but just look at how little I’ve progressed! I can’t fulfil my dream of playing for my family if I continue to procrastinate. So while I can’t afford formal lessons anymore (unless I return to full-time work), I should at least go check out free tutorials on Youtube. I owe it to myself to fulfil the dream of being more musical. Just singing well isn’t good enough. It never has been, and I’ve always felt the gap keenly.

  Finally, I really hope to sleep better this new year. My sleep was so horrid last year. Need to do better. Waking up at 4 nearly every morning really isn’t helpful. And no, I still have no idea why I do that. Could be stress and worry I suppose, since I’m a worrywart. Of course it’s quiet enough for me to write at that early hour of the morning, but it means that for the rest of my waking hours, I will feel more like a zombie!

  Oh, and one more thing. This blog’s title is in keeping with my theme for 2020, or rather how I intend to shape my blog titles every last day (and first day) of every year hereon. For this one, the adjectives are progressively hopeful as you read from start to end. It’s a continuation of my 35th and last blog entry title of 2019 (posted yesterday of course). Yes, 2019 was a lousy year for me overall, with more brickbats than bouquets. Thanks to it, I’ve decided to ‘shrink’ myself this year and fade off into the woodworks so to speak, in hopes of avoiding any blows like those I were dealt with last year.  Cutting time on social media would certainly be one thing I must do this year to aid in this endeavour. In fact, after my last post this morning, I hope not to post anything on Facebook til 31 Dec 2020!

  Hopefully this year I may also be able to find meaningful times with true friends who need me. And whom I need. And whom we’re mutually invested in each other’s lives and well-being, starting with my catch-up time with BK mid Jan. Well, at the very least there is always Jesus. Oops, that sounds kinda disrespectful haha…Jesus, of course You are always my number 1 “go-to” guy. Always.

  So here’s to 2020! May it reveal a perfect 20/20 view for me to wax lyrical about a year from now!!

  Posted in Reflections | 0 Comments | Tagged Family, Fatherhood, Friendship, Manhood, Meaning, New Year Resolutions, Reading, Sleep, Society, Spiritual, Writing

• Writing with Intent

  Posted at 10:35 pm by Kelbungy, on November 12, 2019

  Dear Blog

  I know I know. You’ve been wondering where I’ve Disappeared to.

  Yes I know. It’s time to be ‘hospitable’ again to you, hospitable to my writing. It’s time to come to the keyboard or notepad with the clear intent and purpose to write.

  Diligently. Determinedly. Definitively. Daily.

  And now that I have a ‘Direction’ (sort of ), there’s really no excuse. In fact, I reckon that I actually have enough materials in my life now to write more than one good memoir.

  Memoir you ask? Yes, it’s been a growing conviction for me the past four months, since I started reading first Simply Tuesday, then The Memoir Project. The latter in particular introduced me to Marion Roach Smith, who’s now both my memoir guru and writing coach. And from her I realise what’s been missing, what’s that thing that I’ve been dreaming of writing. It’s called a memoir.

  Right now, I’m thinking that my first memoir shall be about the universal challenge of searching and finding acceptance, identity and recognition in family and society, as illustrated by these past couple of years that I’ve been a stay-home dad. It will hopefully be written first as an op-ed to be published somewhere (I’m not sure where yet), then re-purposed into a book-length memoir I can self-publish, or by a publishing house willing to take a chance on a rookie writer like yours truly.

  This undertaking is certainly going to consume my every waking (and sleeping) moment for the next few years! This project is going to be bigger than completing nearly 20 years of pre/primary/secondary/tertiary education, 19 years of marriage (to date), eight years of corporate work, 15 years of teaching, and ten years (and counting) of child-raising.

  This will be bigger than two years doing voluntary work in a foreign land just after finally getting my driving licence at the ripe old age of 33; mastering cycling at the geriatric age of 34, returning from the voluntary work at 35 to reintegrate into a faster-paced Singapore, and slogging day and night for two years to obtain my Masters at 44, an age where most of my peers were already completely settled into their careers and family, and even preparing financially for retirement.

  It’s probably even bigger than leaving a cushy teaching job at 48 to take a stab at a digital consultancy job in the private SME sector (which sadly lasted just over a year; a raw wound still, that will most certainly find its way into my memoir).

  Hmmm…actually, looking back now at what I just listed, I do seem to have a knack for taking on challenges that many half my age would probably have already overcome. Looks like I’m a serial late-bloomer!

  This memoir project is going to take me on a long and painful journey of self-discovery. I’m probably going to unearth a lot about myself that I otherwise might not have noticed. I will probably have to come to terms with a lot of realities about myself that I probably won’t like, that a lot of people who know me and who I know won’t like, and in general make me a less-than-likeable person.

  But as my writing coach has taught me, writing can be the very balm I need to soothe the painful wounds my many life experiences have inflicted on me. Conversely, it could be the very act of ripping apart (as she would pointedly say) “the tourniquet…(to) let the platelets flow”. In short, I might be further scarred in the writing process!

  However, it will allow me to feel something at the end, which as of now I know not what (but which I’ve been promised I will know when I’m finished with this project). And feeling something is the place I want to be in. Oh baby do I ever!

  And so, starting today, starting now, I am going to write. I am going to learn. I am going to transform. I am going to transcend.

  I’m going to do this with an intent, resolve and discipline I’ve never had, but which I desire to have for the first time in my life. And I hope that I, and the ones I love, will survive this potentially arduous journey, and emerge stronger and better than I, or they, have ever been before.

  And maybe, just maybe at the end of this journey, I’ll have found the acceptance, identity and recognition that I so yearn for, not just as a stay-home dad, but as a fellow human being among others on this little rock we call Earth.

  Posted in Reflections, The Craft of Writing | 0 Comments | Tagged Acceptance, Identity, memoir, Recognition, Society, Spirituality Family Parenting, Stay Home Dad, Writing

• “Simply” Tuesday now feels like “Surrender” Thursday!

  Posted at 2:55 pm by Kelbungy, on October 15, 2019

  Yes it’s true!

  Since becoming a full-time stay home dad some four months ago, I’ve started to notice that by the time Thursday comes around, I just wanna bail out! I find myself unable to be around my kids without flying into a rage. Well, okay maybe that’s a tad bit exaggerated, but yes it’s also no joking matter when my tempers are frayed and I’m “test to the max”.

  And if it’s the school holidays (like it is this week for PSLE marking), then Thursdays tend to arrive by…Tuesdays!

  So there goes my usual Tuesday musings….outta window! Explains why I feel so beat now when it’s barely 3 in the afternoon (and 11 pm in the evening – yes I actually completed this blog in two sittings!)!

  But I can’t really blame it on my kids this round; I’m feeling beat more because of the return of hot weather, some digestion issues and two major changes that’s happened in my life these past three weeks. One was my mom moving in to live with us, the other was me returning to teaching (albeit part time) since yesterday.

  All these upheavals must be what’s causing me to feel some tightness in my chest and a constant feeling of anxiety. You would think I ought to be able to handle it better as a grown man pushing 50! But then again, maybe that’s exactly why I’m not handling it all that well!!

  O well, lousy feelings will come and go, just like Tuesdays and Thursdays too will come and go.

  But at least for today there was a reason to be cheerful.

  You see, yesterday we received news from his music teacher that our eldest had passed his recent 5th grade violin practical exams with distinction! So it was certainly cause for a celebration.

  Looking back, it has taken us some four years now since first he started to try his hand on the violin. And that was also the start of a very trying journey for all of us, especially his mom who had to turn at moments into the infamous Tiger Mom aka Amy whats-her-name! But the initial years of hardship and struggle to get Jaedon into the grind of learning the instrument most certainly feel like only a distant memory now, cos this achievement has vindicated our deepest convictions that our sons (yes Caleb too) are musically gifted. We’ve always wished for them to love and enjoy music so we’re really glad that they are so into music now. With Jaedon on the violin and Caleb on vocals, maybe we have what it takes to form a little family band.

  Now if only I would re-start my piano training and mommy would dust off that forlorn guitar sitting quietly in a little corner of the house!

  But for now, my daily and weekly rhythm needs some recalibrating in light of the upheavals I spoke earlier of. For that, I’m going to need to be more ruthless with how I spend my waking hours, and in particular how I may still continue to blog consistently and sufficiently regularly. For if I’m only churning out say two blogs a month (if I fail to calibrate my daily and weekly schedules optimally), then that may appear ‘consistent’ but it will simply not do! I need to be BOTH consistent, and also regular enough so that I hone my writing skills. This is especially critical as I wish to eventually publish a memoir of my experience being a stay-home dad to Caleb and his special needs.

  Looks like I have to take serious heed of what my writing coach taught – the idea of being ‘hospitable’ to my writing by designating a consistent/regular schedule and venue 5 days a week (minimum) without exception, and completing 750 word write-ups each time.

  But first, I need to adjust to this new work schedule I’ve taken on before I can best ascertain which pockets of time I can reasonably set aside each day or week to blog.

  I hope I make it.

  Posted in Reflections, The Craft of Writing | 0 Comments | Tagged Blogging, Fatigue, Society, Spirituality Family Parenting, Teaching, Working, Writing

• Kept Busy from my Simply Tuesdays

  Posted at 3:32 am by Kelbungy, on October 8, 2019

  It was supposed to be my day to retreat away to ponder and blog.

  But as it is I’m finding myself now blogging two days later, having been on the fly as I juggle several things these past 48 hours. Not many would appreciate that being a full-time stay home dad (and son) can really be a juggling act throughout the whole day, everyday. Even though the kids are in school the whole morning, and my mom is at the elder day care centre from 9 to 5, it doesn’t mean that there aren’t bills to pay, forms to fill, applications to submit, and a whole host of other individual and domestic matters to attend to.

  I regret those days in the past when I used to envy others I know of who quit their jobs to live the life of a tai-tai (lady of leisure). Yes, many like me use tai-tai now to describe anyone of either gender who’s not in full-time employment cause it saves time amongst us (familiar with local parlance) when describing to each other someone we know who’s cho bo (doing nothing)!

  Cause chances are high that there’s someone out there now who’s describing me or those like me in exactly the same way. Oh how it hurts now when the shoe’s on the other foot! There is nothing ‘cho bo’ about waking up early every morning to fetch my son to school, housekeeping, replying messages that can come at you from any and every direction; from various government bodies, school teachers, family, friends, ex-colleagues, etc.

  Then when the afternoons arrive, bringing with it the return of my kids from school and my mom from her day care centre, the homework and caregiving routines begin. Making sure the kids stay on track to prepare for spelling tests, exams, and completing the day’s homework (either from their teachers or from us their parents!), before they can have their play time, TV time, reading time, etc. Ensuring my mom takes her meds and gets enough quiet and rest from my noisy boys.

  All these can really take its toll on a person!

  The long and short of it all is that I am worn down and finding it harder and harder to keep up this momentum of blogging twice a week. Worse thing is my writing coach had advised 1.5 pgs (750 words) everyday for five days a week? That just leaves me with two days to rest before the grind starts again!

  So as I push this post out, I think I need a time-out and a re-think of how best I can straddle this. Oh, and to top it all off, I’ve taken on a part-time teaching role starting next week. Which probably means I’m going to be even more tired and less inclined to write, and more inclined to ‘nua’ (laze around) after a hard day’s work.

  Where oh where will I find the time and energy to pursue my writing dreams now?

  Posted in Reflections, The Craft of Writing | 0 Comments | Tagged Autism, Dreams in limbo, Part Time Lecturer, Society, Stay Home Dad, Stay Home Son, Writing

• The “New” me? Or the “Real” me? Bring it on!

  Posted at 7:20 am by Kelbungy, on September 11, 2019

  Safe to say, surprises and unexpected conversations can happen when you least expect them to.

  One minute you’re feeling lost, the next you’re filled with renewed purpose and hope!

  At least that’s what I came away with today when I met an old friend by chance. It happened when I dropped off my son for his play date earlier in the morning. The location happened to be near the home of an old friend of mine, so on the spur of the moment, I decided to contact him to see if he was in and could meet up. And guess what? He was, and he could.

  We spent an hour and a half catching up with what’s been going on in our lives, and talking deeply about our individual struggles. He had recently lost a loved one, and I had recently become a stay-home dad. Not too much in common at first glance, but as we talked, it became clear we had more in common than we realised.

  We both are on unexpected journeys at a stage of our lives where most of our peers would be busy living it up with family and careers intact. We are both going through a period of grief, loneliness and loss, as well as a search for our next port of call job-wise and life-purpose-wise.

  But most importantly we both love to write. We talked enthusiastically about a future where we could publish our own book or memoir to serve as a record of this trying stage of our life experiences.

  And so, just like that, I found a fellow sojourner for what I thought was going to be a miserable and lonely journey in my writing pursuit. What a gift!

  After finishing our coffees and conversation, we parted ways, promising to send each other weekly reminders of our agreement to work towards this lofty but oh so worthy goal of being published authors. Reminders both to encourage and also to prod each other on, should we start to slack!

  I can think of no better reason to stay in regular touch, and no better way to find motivation and encouragement for a potentially long and arduously lonely journey.

  For such a journey would require us to unpack a lot of baggage in our inner lives, and to uncover or rediscover just who we really are. Certainly this was probably the thought on his mind after listening to my sharing, and what prompted my friend to suggest that my current journey could either lead me to discover a ‘new’ me, or rediscover the ‘real’ me.

  I must admit I never thought of it that way, although now it does seem to make quite a lot of sense. For I’m no longer officially a part of the standard local narrative. The one that says a typical Chinese Singaporean man pushing fifty should be holding down a stable job, providing amply for the family’s material needs and be emotionally dependable.

  Instead, I’ve been forced in these past few months since staying home full-time, to process the often roller-coaster feelings of life’s meaning and purpose for me, and my wife and kids (and very soon my elderly mom with dementia, who will be moving in to live with us!). That’s a tad much for anyone to handle on any given day, let alone everyday for these past few months!

  So my friend’s observation has led me to ponder: Is this finally my season to discover who I really am without the mask of the standard narrative I alluded to above? To uncover the ‘real’ me, or bring forth a ‘new’ me?

  I don’t think I’m anywhere close to answering this question yet. But I’m certain now that my goal to eventually publish my own memoir, is going to seriously set me on a journey towards finding the answer. Isn’t the prospect of that in itself worthy of the attempt, even if (touch wood) I eventually fail?

  I’ll definitely be reflecting on this subject a lot more in my future posts.

  But for now, I must say a big thanks to my fellow sojourner, and the surprising and unexpected connection we had today. I’ve always cherished such connections and conversations over the superficial ones you so often get with most people.

  Funny though isn’t it? How that which you would rather avoid keeps coming at you from every other person you come into contact with? Though thankfully now that I’m technically unemployed, and a daily “threat” to the majority’s entrenched views of what an ‘able-bodied man of sound mind and employability’ should be doing on a typical work day, my social calendar’s practically dried up, sparing me the dismal prospect of many an inane tete-a-tete! I mean, who wants to spend time speaking to someone who challenges their ways and views of what constitutes a ‘normal’ life and livelihood anyway?!!

  Sad though isn’t it? How that (ie deep conversations and connections) which you cherish and long to find in someone, happens so rarely? Which I guess is probably why we cherish them to begin with. And how, a chance to embrace a different narrative for living is often rejected, because people fear the unknown?

  But those questions I’ll leave for another day’s musings.

  For now, here’s a toast:
  To the beginning of discovering the ‘new’ and ‘real’ me! And to my dear friend for pointing it out to me on this most unexpected day.

  Bring. It. On.

  Posted in Reflections | 0 Comments | Tagged Autism, Deep connections, Friendship, Society, Spirituality Family Parenting, Writing

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