Life's Journey | Kelvin's Musings

Tag: Life's Journey
- Goodbye 40s, hello 50s! What turning 50 means for me.
  
  Posted at 8:13 pm by Kelbungy, on July 1, 2020
  For the past few weeks, I’ve been at a loss over what to write for this ‘inevitable’ milestone post.
  
  How should I best say goodbye to the 40s today, and hello to the 50s tomorrow?
  
  How do I even begin to talk about turning 50?
  
  Should I start, say, with a trivia pursuit question? Something like “What do Boeing 747, M*A*S*H, cigarette ad bans on TV, The Beatles disbanded, the Singapore Heart Foundation, Earth Day, Caterpillar (the construction company, not the creepy critter) in Singapore, and the Adidas Superstar sneakers have in common?”
  
  Or how about a celebrity name-dropping variation? Like “What do Matt Damon, Ethan Hawke, Naomi Campbell, Mariah Carey, M. Night Shymalan, Christopher Nolan, and Melania Trump have in common?”
  
  Nahhh…it’s no fun. This blog’s title is already a spoiler! But I can’t exactly mask the title just to slip those questions in now can I?
  
  Or I could start off like some rookie reporter and interview fellow 50-year-olds for their thoughts. Or just type ‘turning 50’ into online search engines and write about what pops up. I’m guessing what turns up would likely cover all the usual suspects: the mental, physical, recreational, social, spiritual, relational, and emotional aspects of aging.
  
  Ahhh….emotional. Maybe I’ll try that. Write a heartstring-tugging intro about turning 50.
  
  You know, start by talking about how my youth is now undeniably gone (cue Alphaville and their signature anthem…oh how intolerably cruel it sounds now!).
  
  Sob sob…
  
  I can talk about how I’m plunging headlong into those dreaded geriatric years as my now five-decade-old body feels exactly like what the famous actress and comedian Phyllis Diller once aptly declared:
  
  [Take it from me, the lady knew exactly what she was talking about!]
  
  Hmmm…maybe I should just go ahead and start with that quote instead? Or maybe another quote about turning 50? Something whimsical, maybe even poignant:
  - “Looking 50 is great – if you’re 60.” – Joan Rivers
  - “I’m aiming by the time I’m 50 to stop being an adolescent.” – Charles Caleb Colton
  - “The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.” – T.S. Elliot
  - “Turning 50 … is like flying: hours of boredom punctuated by moments of sheer terror.” – Erica Jong
  And having selected the quote, start to unpack what it means for me.
  
  Or maybe I should shamelessly shout it out on every social media handle I have? Then sit all alone like some needy, desperate teenager to wait for kooky emojis & birthday drivels from friends (the same ‘friends’ who need a Facebook notification to remember that you’re still alive and waiting for a birthday hug from them!).
  
  The number of ‘Happy Birthday’ greetings plus Instagram ‘Likes’ may then be totaled up and used to kick off my blog. After that, the rest of it will be nothing but a hollow boasting to the world about how ‘popular’ I am, and the many friends I have accumulated in half a century.
  
  Hah! As if.
  
  Oh, what’s the use??! I could go on and on but in the end, I still come crashing back to reality.
  
  And that reality is simple and straightforward: I say goodbye to 49 today, and hello to 50 tomorrow.
  
  And when I turn 50 tomorrow, I shall begin to uncover what this new chapter of my life means.
  
  For now, I believe turning 50 means that I…
  - …no longer need to CARE who (other than my life insurance policy agent) remembers my birthday — instead, I’m satisfied to just celebrate it with my wife and children.
  - …will most likely have MORE ‘yesterdays’ from now on than ‘tomorrows’ — so I’ll treasure every tomorrow. Starting tomorrow.
  - …do NOT have to bend where the winds of this world blow — cos I’m now a sturdy ‘tree’, not a slender ‘reed’.
  - … need NO affirmation from anyone (but God), for I’ve already survived half a century, more than many have — so I’ll just be the ‘affirm-er’ OF myself, BY myself, FOR myself. (Thank you Gettysburg!)
  - …CAN pursue what I want, when I want — and to h*** with what others think! (Pardon my language.)
  And that is what saying goodbye to my old friend the 40s, and embracing my new friend the 50s, means for me.
  Posted in Reflections, Society, Stay Home Dad, The Good The Bad & The Ugly | 0 Comments | Tagged Ageism, Birthdays, Life, Life's Journey, Turning 50, Twilight Years
- We’re getting 3 new affronts, thanks to 3 new furniture no one wants
  
  Posted at 8:42 pm by Kelbungy, on June 27, 2020
  
  It’s never occurred to me before but now it’s plain to see.
  
  There really does exists furniture that people would rather not want, and certainly rather not mention.
  
  Because they are an affront.
  
  And at least three of them will be arriving at my doorstep in the next three working days.
  
  Ever since my mother fell three weeks ago, and fractured her right hip, things have changed drastically.
  
  Being elderly (she’s in her mid-80s), her recovery from any hip fracture will require extensive times of healing and rehabilitation. More so than for most of us.
  
  And any hopes of resuming the walking ability she had before, dim.
  
  At best she will have a permanent limp and that will mean even on a good day, she will still need a walking cane. Preferably the kind that ends with four short stumps for more stable ground support.
  
  Upon her discharge in the next week or so, she will need every available family member’s assistance to support her daily living for these, her twilight years.
  
  And at home, she will need new furniture, each a painful reminder that she is irreversibly less mobile and unavoidably more dependent.
  
  These are the kinds of furniture that nobody wants, each to me representing the ultimate of affronts in three specific ways – Body, Will and Self-Control.
  
  ______________________________________________
  
  1. Commode Chair – An Affront to Body
  
  This one actually needs no introduction. Since no one would want to “introduce” it into any social tete-a-tete. More likely, it would be shunned at all possible costs!
  
  Because if ever there was a more debilitating device for one’s self-esteem, this piece of furniture would take the top prize.
  
  It’s the ultimate “insult” for that bodily function we all perform every day since we were born. What we all assume we will always be able to perform well, with nary a thought otherwise.
  
  That is until we age.
  
  And we fall.
  
  For my home, the dimensions of this new furniture must also fit our tiny bathroom so that when my mom needs to go, this dastardly chair can fit nicely inside and ease her time there.
  
  Every. Single. Day.
  
  It will also need to serve her well when she takes a shower, an undertaking she will now most likely need help to complete, either with the help of my wife, or our female domestic helper.
  
  And so yes, the body. Affronted. In more ways than one. Thanks to this furniture.
  
  ______________________________________________
  
  2. Upright chair with foldable table – An Affront to Will
  
  This is where my mom will sit in front of the telly from now on. Her usual favorite rocking chair won’t cut it anymore. Just the thought of her trying now to get in or out of the old rocker…
  
  ….so no, this new piece of furniture will be where she must sit. Still. Upright.
  
  Every. Single. Day.
  
  During those times she needs her daily fix of the latest Taiwan soap opera, or just to color within the lines in her drawing book.
  
  She can no longer choose to sit on any other chair she likes.
  
  Isn’t choice a fundamental human right?
  
  The will to choose. Affronted. By this furniture.
  
  ______________________________________________
  
  3. Bed rail – An Affront to Self-Control
  
  Henceforth, our fear every day and night will be that my mom might fall again when our guards are down, or when there’s (momentarily) no one near enough to intervene. Like what happened three weeks ago.
  
  So this third piece of furniture is a reminder that even in bed and at rest, there is no “rest”. There’s no guarantee that she can control her ability to rise out of or get into bed without the possibility of falling.
  
  The ability to control something as simple as getting in and out of bed. Affronted. By this simple “barely-a-furniture”, furniture.
  
  ______________________________________________
  
  But why stop at these three pieces of furniture?
  
  There’s also the newly bought wheelchair and the previously-mentioned walker. No images needed, and no explanations necessary.
  
  Except to say that to be wheeled around or be seen needing a walking stick must surely be the ultimate of affronts. With the three furniture pieces, at least one’s “undignified” way of life can avoid public scrutiny.
  
  Not so with the wheelchair or the walker.
  
  Each of these practically screams to the world:
  
  “My days are numbered”!
  
  “I am wasting away.”
  
  “Redundancy is my new name.”
  
  But these aren’t my mom’s affronts alone. These are now her caregivers’ too.
  
  For we too must live with them as we use them to help my mother live each day with some modicum of dignity. Despite how they “affront” us, reminding us of the eventuality that befalls all mankind.
  
  In Body, Will, and Self-Control.
  
  Every. Single. Day.
  
  Posted in Reflections, Society, Stay Home Dad, The Good The Bad & The Ugly | 0 Comments | Tagged Affronts, Aging, Body, Disability, Furniture, Life's Journey, Reflections, Self-Control, Will
- This is It! 3 Things that Define My Blog “kelvinsmusings”
  
  Posted at 8:35 pm by Kelbungy, on June 13, 2020
  Yep, this is it!
  
  Most would say this ought to have been the first thing I wrote when I started my blog 14 months ago.
  
  Funny then that only after more than a year of blogging, I’m finally doing it today!
  
  Now just to be fair to me, I did mention what my blog was about before. This was in my very first post in April 2019.
  
  But looking at that now, I realize it doesn’t really capture fully what my blog is about. Especially not in recent months as my blog content has expanded in its topical diversity.
  
  So perhaps it’s just as well I’ve held back until now. Cos some things just take time to mature, like a good bottle of wine.
  
  And though my blog’s About page sheds some light, there’s still a need to clearly and succinctly present the intent of my blog.
  
  So at least you, my dear reader, will know what you’re in for each time you pay a visit. And, hopefully, you will do so more than once!
  
  So let’s do this, shall we? *grin*
  
  My blog “kelvinsmusings” is all about one dad’s musings on his unfinished journey with:
  1. Autism
    This was what got my blog started.
    
    You see, I have two boys, currently aged 11 and nine. The youngest was officially diagnosed with moderate autism in December 2017, a month before he turned seven.
    
    That began a roller-coaster journey for me and my family. Since that diagnosis, our family has been thrown into such an emotional tailspin that blogging has become my way to calm me down, piece things together, and figure him out.
    And figure ‘me’ out as well.
    
    The ‘me’ who is his dad.
    The ‘me’ who needs to be present for him and his needs.
    The ‘me’ who has absolutely no clue how to do any of that!
    
    So this blog has become an important way to process, learn, and share with those like me what I’ve come to know about this life-long disability.
    
    (Maybe with even those unlike me)
    
    It has also become a platform to speak out on social inclusivity for people like my son. For me to try and advocate for more grace and understanding from those who don’t understand him. Those who could potentially stand in his way towards leading a normal, productive life in society when I’m long gone.
    
    So you will see posts about the raw and real challenges I have with him. But also the moments of pure joy and revelation. And a suggestion or two thrown in for good measure, all in the name of awareness and advocacy for inclusion.
  2. Parenting
    I have been a dad for 11 years now. It’s not a lot I know. I’m probably a babe in the woods compared to other dads.
    
    But American writer Flannery O’Connor once opined that anyone who survives childhood has enough information for the rest of his or her life.So my childhood and those of my two boys (who are still living theirs in real-time now), mean that I already have three times the amount of info and materials I need to talk about matters close to every parent’s heart!
    
    But, and this is where I’m going to disappoint some of you, my posts will probably not distill many parenting “hacks” (don’t you just hate this overly-used word?).
    
    Hey, I’m a stay at home dad (SAHD) after all, so you would expect me to be true and not the least bit flawless right? Cause that’s what a SAHD (get it? *wink wink*) is like in the dirty day-to-day realities of life.
    
    In a word? S . A. (H). D!
    
    Which is where I prefer to be actually. Real and raw. No holds bar.
    
    So if that too is where you prefer to be, then stay tuned, ok?
  3. Life
    That little ditty by Des’ree always plays in my head each time I see this word on its own, like some ear worm you can’t dislodge!
    
    “Life, oh Life, ohhhh Li…fe…oh Life…to doo to too…!” (Preach it sis-tah!)
    
    And since at least some aspect of “Life” can pretty much be found in any blog post just about anywhere, consider this my third thing a catch-all ‘cheat sheet’.
    
    Apologies, just trying to be honest. And calling out the truth about all my fellow bloggers too. (Aww c’mon you guys, admit it!)
    
    However, since everyone’s unique, you can at least expect me to give my ‘unique’ take on what life throws at us. The same goes for many bloggers out there too.
    
    In my case, you’ll likely see posts about Life relating to stuff like:
    – current affairs
    – social issues
    – art of reading & writing
    – reviews of books, films and maybe the occasional TV series
    – teaching & learning
    – justice & society
    – faith, hope & love
    
    All from my perspective of course, but always with a desire to bring forth certain universal truths that will hopefully resonate with you.
    
    Cos hey, that’s what universal truths ought to do!
  Okay.
  
  That’s it.
  
  Unveiled and unpacked.
  
  The manifesto embedded in my blog name’s subtitle: “A Father’s Unfinished Journey with Autism, Parenting & Life”.
  
  Now, on with the show! (If you’re new to my blog, the best place to start would be here)
  
  Oh, wait.
  
  One more thing.
  
  I post every Wednesday & Saturday, around my local time at 8.30 pm (GMT+8).
  
  I mean, if you want to lock it into your planner.
  
  Just saying. *wink*
  Posted in Advocacy, Autism, Book Review, Caleb, Christianity, Film Review, Jaedon, Reflections, Society, Stay Home Dad, Teaching/Education, The Craft of Writing, The Good The Bad & The Ugly | 0 Comments | Tagged Autism, Blogging, Life's Journey, Society, Spirituality Family Parenting, Writer's Life, Writing
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