To Live In Wholeness, First Recognise Your Brokenness

This has been quite a week! All thanks to three events that shared one message. That recognising our brokenness is the first step towards personal wellbeing and wholeness.

What events you asked? And what about brokenness and wholeness?

Let me tell you.

Meetings of SAHDs

The first event was a monthly meet that took place among a group of dads. If you have been following my blog, you would know I help administer a ground-up community that comprises mostly stay-at-home dads (SAHDs). From a humble beginning, where just six SAHDs met together for the first time exactly three years ago this month, we now have more than 115 members connected via a WhatsApp chat community group.

For a community relying mostly on word-of-mouth for “publicity”, such an organic growth from six to over 100 has been nothing short of miraculous! Especially given how noisy this world has become both online and off. Someone in the business of studying and supporting communities even remarked that our ragtag collection of dudes has become a movement!

And we still continue to organise face-to-face meetups every month these past three years to keep the community connected. Though we don’t actually have 115 show up every month, we do have at least a handful.

Over the last three years, where we meet in mostly public and neutral grounds offered by kind benefactors like Common Ground and a community centre downtown, our conversations were mostly cordial and touched ever so lightly on various topics ranging from parenting to self-care. Having fatherhood as our common denominator, we spent most of our time talking about how to raise kids better, and how best to fulfil our roles as good husbands and fathers.

Since most don’t show up regularly for the monthly meets, it was understandable we don’t share too much or too deeply, since the person sitting beside us is often a new face to us. Or someone we’ve only met once or twice before.

However, something began to shift at the start of this year.

Conversations Going Deep Into Brokenness and Wholeness

At the start of 2026, our community began for the first time to meet almost exclusively in the homes of members. The reason was in part because our benefactors could no longer accommodate us and because we wanted more private and intimate spaces to meet and commiserate.

It started with my home in the Eastern part of the country, then another dad’s in the West. Since the start of this month, we’ve added a couple more places too, including one in the North. The idea was to offer more convenient meeting locations so more dads could show up.

What I’ve noticed is that with each meeting since January, more members were opening up and sharing private thoughts and feelings. In ways I never expected but had secretly hoped for. Going back to our community’s humble beginnings, the whole purpose of starting such a group was to have dads talk openly about struggles in their parenting journey. To be willing to come forward and be vulnerable and raw. Not seeking answers necessarily. Just companionship, empathy and a listening ear.

Maybe it’s because we created the safe space to talk in these homes. Or the growing familiarity with the meeting format (self-introduction, followed by updates and monthly thematic discussions), and with one another. It was clear members who showed up this year were readier to plough the depths and talk about their pain and challenges more openly and honestly than ever before.

Take a recent meeting, for instance. One dad confessed a momentary dark thought of letting his kid fall from a high spot. Of course he caught the child safely in the end. This was something he spoke to no one about, not even his wife. Until now.

Another father, who only joined our meetings once before, admitted to checking himself into the hospital because he was having a mental breakdown. He did so only a few days before the recent Lunar New Year holidays, which cast a shadow on celebrations.

Yet another dad shared about his anguish and grief at raising a child with special needs.

Each raw. Each real. And each a sign that this community of dads felt safe now to be vulnerable to one another. In a sacred space where there is only empathy and no judgment.

Ingredients for brokenness to be unwrapped. On the road to wholeness.

Wholeness Only Happens When Old Wounds Are Revealed

The second event was the release of my latest podcast episode with Focus On The Family‘s ParentEd podcast series.

That happened three days ago, though we recorded the episode over a month before. It was the third time I was a guest on their show in as many years. This time though, the topic was quite arguably the hardest for me to dive into.

Parenting from a place of wholeness.

In the podcast, I shared openly about my childhood wounds that have created challenges for me as an adult in navigating my emotions. Without revisiting childhood traumas (real or imagined) and seeing how they often adversely affect the way we, now adults, see and interact with the world, we will often struggle to, among many other things, parent well.

In sharing on the podcast the brokenness I recognised in myself, my hope was that my ongoing journey from that to wholeness will free up others like me to come to terms with their past in order to forge a better, more wholesome future. For their sake as well as for the sake of their loved ones.

Recognising The Brokenness Created By Toxic Workplaces

The last event took place just yesterday with my friend Ng.

We had met up yesterday morning for a walk along the beach to catch up with one another. Which was how I got to know about his recent unfortunate stint working in an MNC. There, he had to report to a toxic boss who put him through hell. While this isn’t anything new, especially when you’ve lived as long as Ng and I have, and worked in various jobs, it still sucks to hear a friend being dragged through the trenches.

Though I was glad he managed to get out of it, after putting up with the office bullying for over three months, it was clear Ng went through a lot of brokenness during the terrible ordeal. It got so bad at one point his wife told him he was barely recognisable at home. He was uncharacteristically short-tempered, slept poorly and nearly always woke up the next morning in a state of panic.

A whole decade younger than me, it was clear that this experience had literally aged my friend by several years. So now we practically looked the same age! Thankfully he now has time to heal and, with a new (hopefully) less crazy job waiting for him the week after, Ng will be on his way back to wholeness again.

Wholeness And Brokenness. Two Sides Of The Same Coin

Reflecting on these three events this past week, I feel now more than ever that both wholeness and brokenness are but two sides of the same coin.

For us to truly reach wholeness in our lives, we need first to acknowledge the brokenness that we all have. It’s not an admission of weakness to say we don’t have life all figured out. It is only weakness if we bury our past hurts and pretend that we are doing alright.

That’s never a long term solution.

So here’s hoping the world will accept and embrace the broken in its midst, and walk with them into wholeness and wellbeing. Then maybe the world can finally be one that’s full of grace and peace.

As I wrap up today’s post, I’m reminded of that childhood campfire song I used to sing, Let There Be Peace On Earth. I think the first two lines of this song aptly serves as the last two lines of this post:

Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me

---

If you enjoyed reading my thoughts and wish to support what I do, please consider donating, using the button below.
Thank you so much!