Three days ago, a father’s community chat group I’m in was unusually abuzz for much of the day. The reason? Enthusiastic discussions over the excessive emphasis on academic performance of kids in our country.
I did not weigh in on this age-old discussion in my nation. I was thinking: How could I? My son’s been failing nearly everything in school for most of this year, and consequently my parent guilt’s been at an all-time high! Last thing I want to do is contribute to the discussion, and feel horrible about myself and ruminate over how crummy a dad I’ve been.
Academic Performance & Efficiency
For the longest time, I’ve been wrestling with this debate: should I continue having my son with autism go to school to learn academic stuff? Or should I instead focus on him developing his executive functions, as well as daily living and survival skills?
Skills like how to navigate the city without getting lost. How to buy things without getting swindled. How to engage in and hold reciprocal conversations in a social setting among friends and especially among strangers.
Things most of us who are neurotypical take for granted.
Unfortunately, in a paper-chase nation such as mine, the question of which to focus on isn’t easy to answer.
Even today, with everything we know about intrinsic values, the measure of success here, as well as the ability to access all that society can offer in terms of a livelihood and sustenance still rests on externalities. Like one’s prowess at progressing up the academic ladder.
Most of my nation’s countrymen, whether they admit it or not, gauge success based mostly on material achievements. Or at the very least, on the basis of efficiency. Meaning please don’t get in their way, or hamper them in their pursuits. For example, getting out of their way as they pursue the next subway train at a crowded station platform.
As someone who’s lived here my whole life, it’s only natural I pick up on these “social norms” and pass them onto my offsprings. If they wish to be accepted and assimilated into this society, they best get in line right away!
Academic Success Vs Life Skills
But of late I’m starting to feel my son could be better off if he spends more time daily learning say, how to use his hands to do household chores.
Much more practical than answering science questions in school, such as what is evaporation to dryness?! Or figuring out how to calculate the volume of a cuboid. Or writing an appeal letter to a government official to save the dolphin (there are none naturally living here in our tropical, equatorial waters, except those in the over-priced theme park oceanarium built for tourists).
Sighhh…
This past week has been especially rough on my guilty conscience. That’s cause my son was having his annual September week-long school holidays. This is also the time when preparation has to be stepped up as exams are just around the corner.
Unfortunately, this is the “department” his dear old dad seems least equipped to help him. Despite the fact I’m supposed to be the stay home dad and professional academic. My approach to teaching him via is rote-learning (especially when it comes to Science). Not because I enjoy it (who does?), but because I know I lack the domain knowledge to bring the subject to life for him.
Also, the system is still sadly rigged to reward memory work more than inspired answers. If he’s to stay in the system, then rote learning is often considered de rigeur if one’s to survive and rise up the academic ladder.
I wish I didn’t have to do it this way but so long as the direction is for him to stay on the academic track…
Will Let His First Secondary Academic Exam Results Decide
So now you see why I’m in such a guilt-ridden state.
If my wife and I had been more resolute, we would have pulled him off the academic track in January to a vocational one instead. There he could start right away to build more practical, daily living skills. Skills to get him on the path towards work-readiness. He might even be more ready for the workforce several years from now, compared to his older brother who’s on the academic track currently as a neurotypical kid.
Since I can’t turn back the clock, my next recourse now is to see how he fares in his first secondary school exams in the coming weeks.
Hopefully when the results are released, we will have a clear sign where he should go next: academic or vocational.
Or maybe there might even be a third option!
We shall see.
