Here’s the last of my four posts on how to retire well — nearly three years after I wrote the first three! (Click here for posts 1 , 2 and 3)
Hey! Better late than never right?
But what triggered this late entry you ask? Good question!
On Thursday, our national daily printed a forum letter I sent them. It was in response to a commentary piece one of their former journalist-on-staff put out earlier this week. In that piece, the writer spoke candidly about his struggle with self-worth and identity after he retired as a journalist. As well as how to spend the rest of his life meaningfully.
I’ve decided to reproduce my letter here as part of my mini-series on retirement and how to retire well.
But first, let me say a few honest words about my opinion toward folks like the writer. Folks who struggle with the prospect of what to do when they officially retire.
Your Worth Is Independent Of Your Work
You’ve been lied to people.
Yes, that’s right. Society has been drumming into you (and me) the notion that everything you’ve been trained for since high school and beyond, is for you to be an economic digit in the ledger of our nation’s growth and development.
And it’s been drummed to a point where you didn’t even know you had internalized the misguided value proposition that your worth is dependent on your work. As though what you and I do determines who we are.
I’m here to tell you that it’s not. And it never was.
“I Don’t Know What To Do Outside Of Work!”
Please pause for a moment and think about it.
Are you absolutely irreplaceable in your job? Is it really possible that no one else can do what you do, and do it better? If you secretly (or worse, openly) harbored such grandiose thoughts about yourself, may these thoughts perish today before it’s too late! Before it is all you cling to, even though life comprises so much more, as that commentary and my forum letter intimates. Before you and I find ourselves retired and in a state of limbo, loss, and loneliness.
Like so many other men who were left confused and conflicted when they retire and suddenly find themselves with too much time on their hands, not knowing what to do with it.
All because we had invariably tied our self-worth to our work. Or worse, allowed our work to dictate how time is best spent. Who hasn’t heard of retirees who say stuff like “I prefer to work because it keeps my mind and body active and fills up the time.” As though working the same job again and again is the only way time can be well spent. As though there are no alternatives.
What these retirees are really saying is that they don’t know what to do with their lives outside of work, since they never planned ahead for retirement, so busy are they daily putting their noses to the grindstone.
How sad.
People, life is so much more. So much more.
For your own sake, and the sake of your loved ones, go find out now for yourself what can be the “so much more” for you (cos it differs from person to person).
Otherwise, when you retire (and you will), the last line of my forum letter will be your fate!
My Second Letter Of The Week **
I refer to Mr Frederick Lim’s commentary “The unexpected restlessness of retirement” (May 14).
In Singapore, retirement planning is often discussed in purely financial terms, namely, how much money we need to live out our remaining years comfortably.
Yet, as Mr Lim’s commentary has clearly shown, the reality for many like him is that retirement planning needs to encompass so much more.
What else is there?
There needs to be forethought and preparation to use the time one previously spent at work for other life pursuits when we retire. Pursuits that involve the relational, emotional, recreational, and/or spiritual. In short, the inescapable complexities of human existence.
The quest to establish one’s sense of meaning and purpose outside of a job title and career also needs to begin way beforehand.
It should not start only after all the farewell lunches are done and digested. Or when we’ve cleared out our corporate desk for the last time only to feel suddenly the inevitable void that was once our work and proof of self-worth to the rest of society.
In another year, I would turn 55, approximately a decade away from official retirement.
Over the past seven years, I’ve pivoted away from full-time work and career to focus more on family and self, taking up short-term paid gig work along the way to supplement my family income as we learn to live more simply and within our means.
Although the pivot began for personal and family reasons, I’ve learnt since that the ability to find meaning and purpose beyond a job title takes a lot of intentionality, plus a healthy dose of trial and error, to find new opportunities and interests that will stick for the long haul.
All these pursuits and discoveries don’t happen overnight. They need time to explore and uncover. To find what works and what doesn’t.
So the notion of starting to plan beyond finances, years before official retirement, needs to be how everyone should approach their next season of life. We shouldn’t wait and think that we need to “cross that bridge only when we get to it”.
Otherwise, just like the writer, retirement may come as a shock rather than a relief.
[** Click here for my first letter of the week]
