The first 19 days of this month have seen many a “first” for me in terms of writing and speaking engagements.
1. Old Blog Posts Repurposed
First, ideas from a couple of my old blog posts piqued the interest of an established Christian platform — Our Daily Bread — to the extent they wanted to assimilate both posts for publication on 1 April to commemorate Autism Acceptance Month. The result was this piece that recalled my caregiving journey with my youngest son who has Autism.
2. Speaking Engagement
Second, I was invited to be a guest speaker on 12 April at an inaugural Breakfast Conversation session with an independent non-profit organization called Cultivate. The organization is dedicated to growing the good in our country one conversation at a time. (I will share highlights from that day’s conversation in the section below)
3. Published By A Think-Tank
Third, an established online think-tank called Regardless, which re-examines current affairs from Singapore and beyond regardless of ideology, took up an essay I initially wrote and submitted to a local daily (which rejected it) and published it on their website on 15 April.
4. New Invitation To Publish
Fourth, arising from the speaking engagement on 12 April, I was invited a few days ago by an established organization in Singapore that champions families — Focus On The Family — to explore writing a new piece for Father’s Day this year. The gauntlet was thrown down and I just had to accept the challenge!
5. Coaching and Cheerleading A Fellow Writer to A “Win”
And finally, a fellow writer in my writing club scored a first when she submitted a Mother’s Day essay to the Commentary section of a major local daily yesterday.
Within an hour of submitting, she received a reply from the editor who commented that her writing was lovely and they would consider it for publication if she gave it to them exclusively. This wonderful “win” was in no small way thanks to my constant encouragement towards her. I suggested the idea for a Mother’s Day piece, provided the editor’s contact, and helped her map out a timeline for completion and submission. Throughout the process, I often reminded her to write and edit tirelessly until the deadline.
Yes, I do believe I’ve achieved several firsts this month. And I cannot wait to see what other opportunities will come in the weeks and months ahead!
Speaking To Spark Good Conversations
Last month, a fellow stay-at-home dad and I were invited to a breakfast conversation on April 12th to talk about our individual parenting journeys, as well as the ground-up stay-at-home dads’ community — The Ordinary Dad — which we helped steer since it launched last March. (It now has over 40 members. And counting).
The breakfast conversation took place at the office premises of Cultivate, an independent set-up that was officially launched last year. Its mission is a noble one: To grow the good in our country one conversation at a time.
As part of their mission, Cultivate organizes breakfast conversations monthly and invites speakers to share experiences in areas like parenting, family, society, and education, just to name a few. By sparking good conversations on these societal issues, they hope to help grow strong and united communities across the nation and promote a sound balance of rights and responsibilities for all.
Over a delightful breakfast of cakes, croissants, and coffee, my fellow stay-at-home dad Tim and I took turns to share our different stay-at-home experiences compared with mothers. We spoke of the tensions between male identity and childcare, the way to build and grow a community, and the eternal societal struggle between economic goals and fertility rates.
As we shared with the attendees that morning (mostly young parents, but also grandparents and singles), we challenged many assumptions of what stay-at-home dads (SAHD) did. Especially the idea that they were the same – in role and function – as stay-at-home mothers, except that they are male.
We also shared how the idea of “staying home” has shifted, with many having different variants of work arrangements. For example, though I still see myself primarily as a SAHD, I continue to teach part-time to support my family financially.
Sharing About My Journey And My “TOD” Community
During my speech, I shared how I decided to stay home and take care of my son with special needs back in 2018. I spoke about my lived experience being a caregiver at home, versus my previous life as a full-time workaholic lecturer in a tertiary institution.
Along the way, I spoke passionately about how stay-at-home parents in general, and SAHDs in particular, experience a real loss of community and social interactions with colleagues after leaving the workplace.
There is also a concurrent loss of identity that we feel when we no longer have traditional markers of success or achievements to show for the time we spend at home. This especially affects men due to traditional expectations for them to be the main breadwinners in the family.
Much of all that existential angst eventually led to me connecting with other fellow SAHDs and the formation of The Ordinary Dad or TOD for short. Since its first monthly meeting in March 2023, TOD has become a community and a haven for many young SAHDs to commiserate and draw strength from one another in our ongoing SAHD journey.
A Thoroughly Enjoyable Speaking Engagement
I’ve publicly presented before about my journey with caregiving a special needs child, and written and spoken in various platforms like news dailies and podcasts.
However, I have to say that this has been one of my favorite engagements to date. The setting at Cultivate was cosy (there were less than 20 people in attendance), and the conversations that ensued were affirming, honest and life-giving.
If ever there was a picture of growth via good conversations, this event would certainly check all the right boxes!
As a writer, parent, and educator, such engagements help grow my understanding of issues close to my heart. They also help me make new connections that can lead to many other opportunities to write, share, and learn.
So a big thanks to Cultivate! And to more opportunities like this in the future.
