Tomorrow, C, my youngest (of two kids) who has autism, turns 13.
Even though he still looks like he’s not a day older than eight (the year I started this blog), it’s still a milestone year as he transitions into full-fledged teendom. But, thanks to a decision in 2017 to keep him back an extra year in kindergarten, he’s technically still a kid now and can celebrate one more Children’s Day this year, his final one in primary school. (13 year olds here would typically be in secondary school by now)
When it comes to kids, there’s a famous saying from an old American TV series that goes “Kids say the darndest things.”
I couldn’t agree more.
And with a chatty kid on the spectrum like C, it can be downright darnation!! In his case, however, the darndest things he says aren’t anything sophisticated or kitschy. They are merely commonplace words and phrases. Still, he somehow manages to use them to great effect, often driving me bonkers.
Not sure what I mean? The following list of his eight darndest quips should shed some light.
#1 “What happens if…?”
Most of us use this phrase to speculate on things or circumstances, but C loves to use it when trying to get out of doing stuff.
For example —
Me: Son let’s go for a bike ride.
C: What happens if it rains? Or What happens if I hurt my leg? Or What happens if the tire is flat? Or _____(you get the drift right?)
Me: Son, why don’t we try playing this new video game instead of your usual one?
C: What happens if I don’t like it?
Me: Son, let’s play ball outside!
C: What happens if I get bored?
Usually at some point in the exchange, I’m just about ready to throw my hands up in surrender!
#2 “…then how?”
A variation of the previous phrase, this one, when tagged to the end of every question, has the same effect on me — unbridled frustration!
What if I get bored, then how?
I need to play my computer game now. If no time, then how?
If I’ve no toy to hold in my hand then how?
#3 “See! Look! You like it?“
Usually, he says this when he wants to do a little gyration or jiggy-with-it using his nearly flat posterior. Funny the first couple of times to be sure. But after that, it just becomes old. C, however, doesn’t think so but keeps wanting me to see what he’s doing and to affirm him.
Or it could happen when he’s kicking a ball (real or imaginary) around the house, or engaging in a fake gunfight. Sometimes several times throughout the day. And throughout, he’ll keep shouting See! or Look! You like it?
Again, not really all that amusing after a while, though he doesn’t seem to care. He just wants me to pay attention to him, even though I’m in the middle of a phone call or a conversation with his mom or brother.
#4 “What are you doing?”
Despite what this question is typically used for by the majority of us, C uses it not to find out what I’m doing but to reassure himself that I or a familiar, responsible adult is nearby and at his beck and call. That he isn’t alone. Even when everyone at home is clearly within line of sight.
And he asks this many times in a day, sometimes even when we’re both already in the middle of a conversation or doing something together. It’s like his own version of a pause button, used to regroup, recenter, or even reboot in order to steer the moment’s attention back to him.
Again it seems he’s looking to ensure I’m paying attention to him.
#5 “Where is it?” and/or “Can you help me ____?”
C uses this whenever he can’t find something he carelessly misplaces. And that something would often be one of his many tiny Lego figurine pieces. I mean, c’mon, does he expect me or others in the family to know the answer? Apparently so.
And to top it off, he doesn’t just ask. He pleads, cajoles or worse, whines! It’s often more about the annoying tone he uses than the question itself that drives me up the wall.
The kicker is when he would even use it to make the most ridiculous request, like Can you help me finish my dinner fast? Which when he says it doesn’t mean I eat his leftovers, but that I am to literally spoonfeed him!
#6 “I’m tired!” or “I’m bored.” or “Not fun.”
The line I’m tired probably needs little by way of introduction. Except that while many of us say this AFTER a gruelling morning workout or a long day of work, he would declare it BEFORE.
For example,
Me: Son, let’s do homework.
C: I’m tired.
Me: Son, shall we go brush our teeth?
C: I’m tired.
As for I’m bored or Not fun, he almost always says it after he’s done playing computer games. It’s disconcerting for me as a parent to see the effects screen time has on him. But this phenomenon is pretty much in line with what many experts say is the typical ‘dopamine withdrawal’ symptom experienced after a hyper-stimulating online activity.
#7 “Fine! I’ll DO it myself.”
A more recent rant he’s been heard articulating is this one. Used when I’ve issued a clear call for him to do something he’s supposed to. When he uses it though, it’s almost like he was telling me he’s doing me a favour!
Me: Son, clear up the mess you’ve made on the floor.
C: Fine, I’ll DO it myself (with a very loud DO)!
#8 “Find my way…right now!”
This last one is the winner, and the one we hear most often every day these past 12 months and counting.
He first picked it up from his best friend in class last year. Funny thing though. The actual line is supposed to be If you are out of (or was it in) my way, I will lock each one of you in jail RIGHT NOW! But my dear boy says it so fast it sounds more like Find my way and send to jail RIGHT NOW!
This is his favourite line to use when he wants to calm down and regulate his rising anxiety. Usually after I’ve pointed out a mistake he’s made or I’ve just chastised him. He uses it like a defense mechanism or to blot out what he just heard.
Reflection
Hmmm…as I wrap up this post, I must admit many of my son’s quips seem to point to a need for attention.
This is telling in a way that’s also worrying. How much more attention does C still need? As the most prominent member of the family, especially with his autism, chattiness and other quirks, doesn’t he already command attention from us all on a daily basis?
What is he still missing? Or more to the point, what am I still missing in my parenting journey with him?
Fodder for another future blog post I’m sure!
