2020: Stitching. Shrinking. Slowing. Sleeping. Silencing. Singling. Searching. Seeking. Surrendering. Saving. Surging. Surpassing.

On this the first day of 2020, I’ve decided to break down here what I plan to do with it.

For starters, I will prioritise writing on a daily basis, five days a week (Tue – Sat), 750 words each day. No exceptions. I know I’ve said this on numerous occasions, but it’s gotten to a point now where I’ve a better picture of what I want to write, and a useful structure (a memoir) to place it in. So no more excuses. 

I will write. And by end of May, I hope to have a 300 page first (vomit) draft manuscript! Fingers crossed!!

Secondly, I will have to spend more time reading since it begets writing. The stuff I plan to read will most likely first be research on my memoir argument, then other recommended memoirs, then the rest. I do also hope to read two classics: Mere Christianity and The Pilgrim’s Progress, but I’m less hopeful I’ll achieve that cos their language is so….old!

Thirdly, I need to seriously begin this year with its end in mind, ie Christmas 2020. By then, I hope to be more outreach-ready for the season. I am so sick and tired of dreading December because of my inaction all these years. But I’m of course very much mindful that it’s His plan in the end. Still I don’t want to rest on my laurels. Just because of the setback with X last year, it doesn’t mean that I should quit. It just means I have to be more careful, intentional and plan for it, always of course covering such life-and-death matters in God’s hands. I still dread family, but logic dictates that they’re the lowest hanging fruit, so…still it’s never just about logic. And in actual fact, mine aren’t that low-hanging!

But bottomline remains – I must plan for Christmas now, and not wait til December. 

Fourthly, I must have a game plan executed for paid work in 2020/1 that doesn’t just rely solely on my current teaching engagement. So over the next six to ten months, I best explore and send out resumes. I would very much like to teach somewhere in something I enjoy, but I’m also more practical now and see teaching as just a means to a pay check. So as long as there’s pay, and the schedule fits, I will take on whatever comes my way, and not nitpick. Can’t afford to as I’m aging and aren’t so employable anymore. Since I have my memoir writing as my passion pet project for the next 3-5 years, I can fall back on that as my go-to “happy place” so to speak, and thicken my skin to see teaching as just a job, something to help put food on the family table and keep us financially afloat.

Next, I have to accelerate my role as intervener to help Caleb scale up in his social, emotional and life skills. Still planning to be predominantly a stay-at-home dad this year, I must really give more attention to helping him. As for Jaedon, it’s his penultimate year of primary school, and likely his busiest as he and his classmates will undergo a lot of major preparations study-wise for THE major national exam end 2021 (yes, here in stressful Singapore, preps for it always starts two years ahead!). So I gotta be around for him too. Which may also mean that I have to start reading up and learning all about (*gulp*) his curriculum!

I also would like to commit at least 15 mins daily to tinkling the little ivories on my electronic keyboard. It’s been 5 years now since I bought it, but just look at how little I’ve progressed! I can’t fulfil my dream of playing for my family if I continue to procrastinate. So while I can’t afford formal lessons anymore (unless I return to full-time work), I should at least go check out free tutorials on Youtube. I owe it to myself to fulfil the dream of being more musical. Just singing well isn’t good enough. It never has been, and I’ve always felt the gap keenly.

Finally, I really hope to sleep better this new year. My sleep was so horrid last year. Need to do better. Waking up at 4 nearly every morning really isn’t helpful. And no, I still have no idea why I do that. Could be stress and worry I suppose, since I’m a worrywart. Of course it’s quiet enough for me to write at that early hour of the morning, but it means that for the rest of my waking hours, I will feel more like a zombie!

Oh, and one more thing. This blog’s title is in keeping with my theme for 2020, or rather how I intend to shape my blog titles every last day (and first day) of every year hereon. For this one, the adjectives are progressively hopeful as you read from start to end. It’s a continuation of my 35th and last blog entry title of 2019 (posted yesterday of course). Yes, 2019 was a lousy year for me overall, with more brickbats than bouquets. Thanks to it, I’ve decided to ‘shrink’ myself this year and fade off into the woodworks so to speak, in hopes of avoiding any blows like those I were dealt with last year.  Cutting time on social media would certainly be one thing I must do this year to aid in this endeavour. In fact, after my last post this morning, I hope not to post anything on Facebook til 31 Dec 2020!

Hopefully this year I may also be able to find meaningful times with true friends who need me. And whom I need. And whom we’re mutually invested in each other’s lives and well-being, starting with my catch-up time with BK mid Jan. Well, at the very least there is always Jesus. Oops, that sounds kinda disrespectful haha…Jesus, of course You are always my number 1 “go-to” guy. Always.

So here’s to 2020! May it reveal a perfect 20/20 view for me to wax lyrical about a year from now!!

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