It’s Easter Saturday. An in-between moment for many who believe and follow the story of Jesus Christ and his death (on Good Friday) and resurrection (on Easter Sunday).
I too am in an in-between moment now. This week marked my one month journey away from my old home, living temporarily under someone else’s roof, while en route to my new home.
In these in-between moments, I often feel torn between settled and displaced. Relaxed and overwhelmed. Excited and anxious.
In Case You Didn’t Know
A while back I posted about how my family moved out of our home of 25 years last month. My wife had wanted to live closer to her elderly parents (as they eased into their 80s). So, two years ago, we went about finding us a new home that would put them a short five minutes car ride away.
We started with balloting for new public housing that would be built, but eventually gave up for two reasons. One, the demand for these new apartment blocks was too high and we were unsuccessful in our ballots after a couple of attempts. Second, even if we were successful, it would be at least another three to five years before these new apartments would be built and ready for occupation. As my in-laws’ (they turned 80 last year) wryly pointed out, their “clock is ticking fast” so maybe we should just consider buying a resale flat on the open market, which we could move into much quicker.
And so we did. We sold our place, bought a new one, and hired an interior designer and a renovation contractor to do what needs to be done to make it our home.
All that began by us selling our beautiful home of 25 years.
It’s a loss I still feel keenly, more than half a year after the property deal was signed and sealed. And now a month after we finally closed the door to that home for the last time and surrendered the key to the new owner.
Living In The In-Between Moments of Life
To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.
That was a quote from French philosopher Henri Bergson (1859-1941).
It’s how I feel on many days, and what keeps me going. To know that the inevitability of change is what helps us grow up in this life, to mature (hopefully) and to recreate ourselves in ways that show we embrace change. That we’re prepared to experience new ideas, sensations, and even places. All for the purpose of developing ourselves rather than staying still.
But I have to say too that it’s not exactly easy to embrace such a philosophy. Especially in those transition moments. Those neither-here-nor-there moments. Those in-between moments of life. When things are on hold til something else (hopefully something better) comes along.
What have those in-between moments been like for me this past month?
Let me count the ways.
Counting My In-Between Moments
Living with my in-laws temporarily for now has meant I’m a lot less free to be myself since I’m under someone else’s roof.
“Not My Space”
I’ve had to be more careful with the things in the house (not saying I’m routinely careless in mine before) so as not to break, drop or misplace items that aren’t mine.
I’ve even had to watch what I say as to avoid any conflicts or be judged for how I parent. And so I try to say as little as I can while my in-laws are around. And don’t even get me started on my bathroom singing, or lack of, now that I’m in someone else’s house.
I even have to make sure I’m not walking around topless when my in-laws are home! (Just to set the record straight in case you think me an exhibitionist, I live on an island next to the equator, which means year-round I have but one kind of weather: hot & humid!)
Routines
When it comes to the daily sleep-wake routines, I’ve had to go to bed early to try and get more sleep in. Always a challenge for me that’s made more so now because of a few things.
A familiar bedroom (since the days I first dated my wife) that also feels strange and alien. An unfamiliar bed (too soft for my liking). A noisy expressway that upsets my need for silence to sleep. (I’ve actually had to plug my ears with sleep music or audiobooks voiced by deadpan readers to help me enter dreamland) And a window facing the sky and sea, covered by a woefully inadequate curtain that lets the first light of day in faster than you can say “let there be light”!
Each morning now I’ve had to wake up earlier to make sure I get my morning toilette routine completed before the rest of my family awakes. After all, when before I shared the toilet in my master bedroom with just my wife, now I have to share the common toilet with her and our two teenage sons. The school runs every morning are particularly punishing to say the least!
Routes & Recreations
I’ve also had to adjust to the new location, the new sights and sounds, and the new routes that I must now take, be it for school runs, grocery runs or just going out for a walk.
As much as I relish new sensations, I’ve also to be mindful that this is temporary. Especially the fact that my in-laws condo comes with a decent swimming pool. For an avid swimmer like me, it’s like a God-send! I can get my laps in more easily now than before.
But yes, it’s only temporary.
I mustn’t get too used to all these sensations and offerings because I’ll soon have to ditch them for another set of new ones when I move again in June.
Creating Safe In-Between Spaces & Moments
Having said all that, it’s important to carve out safe spaces for ourselves. Even in temporary places.
For me, that would be the pool I mentioned earlier. The soft bed where I sleep (or try to), blog or binge-watch Netflix on my laptop. Or just read the few books I brought with me that aren’t in storage like the rest til the new house is ready. The study table I currently share with my youngest.
Also my car when I have a few minutes between destinations to stop and take a breath.
I try to close my eyes in these safe spaces whenever I can just to centre myself and connect with what’s churning in my body or tossing about in my head.
Another surprising safe space has been the small chapel we now visit every Sunday. Located but a stone’s throw away from my in-law’s, it’s one we first got to know from a parent of my son’s classmate. They go there in part because it’s friendly to families with special needs children like my son and his friend.
Nestled in a quiet private housing district, its tranquil environment is the perfect balm to the hectic urban noise that otherwise occupies my waking moments.
Perhaps I will share more about it another time.
For now, I’m trying to make the best of this in-between season of my life, and to palpate as much as I can from it life lessons to help move me forward.
To my more mature self and my new home.
Wish me luck!
